(Excerpt from the upcoming book in English “His side of story: To You” available on Amazon, July 2019.)
The middle of the night. I’m getting ready for bed, when a message arrives from a girl I really care about. The message says: “I’m more often sad than happy, I jump from one relationship to another, and each one is disappointing… You’ve told me I always choose the wrong guy and search for love at wrong places. Well, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since, but you’ve never explained what you’ve meant by that.”
I reach for my laptop. I guess I’ll put off my sleeping. Until morning, probably. I’ve decided to reply this way, to her and all the girls who have been in similar situations. And I know for sure that many of them have.
The thing is that you have to find someone who will truly love you. Someone who wouldn’t mind waiting for you, someone who wouldn’t mind following you and who would try his best to show it to you. So many relationships today have fallen into routine, and so many relationships are falling apart because the partners don’t love each other. They respect each other, but there is no love. Hold on to respect, but search for love. Search for someone who would stand by your side when things go right, but who would also hold your hand when everything is falling to pieces. When you’re not looking your best, when you’re going through a bad time, when you think you have no strength to go on, there should be someone who will reassure you. Don’t think that all guys are the same and that everything is just a matter of getting used to the situation and coming to terms with it… You don’t have to do any of that. I know that you’ve had some bad experiences, I know that your exes have treated you the way you haven’t deserved, I know you’ve been hurt, and I believe you when you say that you’ve given up hope.
However, I also know that, sooner or later, someone will show up who will convince you otherwise. And at that moment, you will realize why things haven’t gone well with other guys. This “someone” will show you things you never knew existed, he will teach you something new, he will take you places you’ve never seen, or places that you have seen but now they’ll seem to be acquiring different colours and shapes. One day someone will come who will give you safety and restore your faith in love, respect and honesty; someone who will make you forget all doubts and who will make you a better person. I want you to be happy, to find the peace you’ve sought for so long. I want you to be loved back, so that next time I see your face, there are no more tears in your eyes.
Don’t go after looks as looks fade away in the end. Don’t go after money because no money in the world can buy you without making you feel cheap. Don’t go after lies because it’s hard to go back once you learn the truth. Go after your heart instead, but don’t forget to listen to your mind too; the mind will give you many explanations, but the heart is always there to clarify things that go beyond reason. Go after laughter, because when everything goes away, what you’ll need most is someone to laugh with. Someone who will know how to laugh with you, and someone who will know how to make you laugh. Go after something… something that cannot be defined. Call it intuition, call it the x factor, call it whatever you like: one look is all it takes, one little smile, one unspoken word, even silence sometimes, to know that this is what you’ve been waiting for all along. And this special someone has been waiting for you too.
Don’t believe in coincidences. I’ve read somewhere that coincidence is just God’s way of remaining anonymous. And when a “coincidence” does happen, do your best to use it right. The right person is worth trying. The right person is worth waiting for. Sometimes this means that you may have to watch him dating someone else, but knowing that one day the time will come for the two of you to be together. The right person is worth every minute spent in late-night conversations on the phone. Even though you only have a few hours to catch some sleep before the morning comes, you know that it will take forever for you to fall asleep. He is worth every fight and every tear, as these are emotions too, although they may not be the emotions you prefer. Don’t be afraid of tears: as long as they are here, you know that you feel. It is indifference that you should be afraid of, since indifference means there is nothing left to hold onto.
Go after adventure because boredom is illness. But first of all, search for someone who you can relax with. Someone to go crazy with, to laugh about everything, and once and for all forget what other people think of you and how you should behave. Finally, nothing in this world matters, as long as you have someone whose world revolves around you, someone who is ready to leave his world behind and embrace yours. It is as simple as that. There are so many unimportant things that occupy us in life, so when something simple comes along, we don’t have faith in it. We chase complicated things because we think that’s the way it should be, but love has no room for unnecessary things. Simple.
And when things go downhill – sooner or later this would happen – I hope you wouldn’t give up. Because it’s easier to leave and run away than give it a try. Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing (1). Love has no price. You have no price. Easy things are cheap. And cheap is not what you want. So, fight for the thing you deserve. And you deserve only the best. And when it gets hard, stay. Talk for days, nights, swallow your pride and don’t turn your back on him. Although it may seem that everything falls apart so easily these days, you have nothing to be afraid of because you have laid strong foundations. And don’t forget to have faith. Always have faith. Don’t ask questions, don’t make assumptions, don’t hurl insults. If you care for him, have faith in him.
I want you to laugh next time I see you. I hate seeing you sad. I want you to find someone who will be the reason for your staying up all night. The reason of your smiling without reason. Someone who will know how to reassure you; someone who will stay even when the sun is setting on you both…
Someone who may not promise to give you everything, but who can promise to do his best.